Talking with my 5-8 Year-Old

Physical Changes:  

• Starting to lose baby teeth and grow adult teeth
• Developing more muscle mass and strength

Action: Talk to your child about the changes that will take place when they start puberty, including growing pubic hair, breast buds, and under arm hair. Most kids begin to show signs of puberty around 9-10 years old, so start talking about it now.

Social Changes:

• Beginning to form trusting relationships
• Attending school and learning to follow directions and control impulses while improving language and social skills
• Learning family values and encountering beliefs and practices that differ from those of his/her family
• Wanting to act independently yet unable to consistently make good decisions
• Experiencing the growing influence of peers, and prefers to associate with same sex peers

Action: Talk to your child about developing friendships, values and expectations. Engage your child in conversations about what is right and what is wrong. Speaking with them now about honesty, responsibility and integrity and then role modeling it at home can teach your child valuable lessons for the future.

Risky Behaviors: 

• Spending time away from home and encountering strangers
• Trusting people without question

Action: Make rules for interacting with and avoiding strangers as well as how to get help in an emergency. Tell your child that it is never alright for an older child or adult to ask the child to keep secrets from parents, look at/touch private parts without permission, or ask the child to look at/touch private parts.

Conversation Starters:

Assure your child that no topic is off limits & you are always available to talk.

“You can always come to me with any questions or problems.”

“Do you have friends at school? What are their names?”

“You should feel safe at home and at school. Have you ever been picked on?”

“What would you do if a stranger asked you to get in a car?”

“Your body is private & should not be touched by anyone but you.”

“There are websites that are okay to be on and ones that aren’t, lets talk about which ones are safe for you.”

What if my child doesn’t ask the questions?

Continue to provide information on sexuality even if children do not ask for it. Children may ask fewer questions even though they have lots of curiosity. Utilize “learning moments” like scenes from TV and movies.

Other Sources:

These books are written for youth and are available at your public library: 

• Did the Sun Shine Before you were Born? By Sol and Judith Gordon
• It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health. By Robie H. Harris
• Dr. Ruth Talks to Kids: where you came from, how your body changes, and what sex is all about. By Dr. Ruth Westeimer