Talking with my 8-12 Year Old

 Normal Development includes:

1. Physical Changes:

Girls will:

• have a growth spurt early in this age range
• begin to develop breasts
• begin to grow pubic and underarm hair
• some will begin getting their period

Boys will:

• have a growth spurt late in this age range
• have a deepening of their voice
• begin to have growth of their testicles and penis
• start to grow pubic hair
• most will have spontaneous erections and wet dreams

Action: Talk to your child about the physical changes that are coming and then talk to them as they are occurring. Ask them about their concerns or feelings about growing and changing into a bigger person. Answer any questions that they might have and if you don’t know the answers, seek help from the internet, physician with your child to answer whatever they are wanting to know.

2. Social Changes:

• Girls and boys that develop early are often self-conscious of their body and a target for teasing
• Your child may become interested in experimenting with holding hands, hugging and kissing other boys or girls

 Action: Talk to your child about their bodily changes. Avoid comparing their growth or lack thereof to other kids they know. Children grow at different rates, so let your child know that they are normal and that they are okay just the way they are. Talk to your child about friendships and interest in relationships with others. Encourage them to practice the values that you have.

Risky Behaviors:

Bullying:

• 10% of students report that they are the victim of bullies
• These events are most likely to happen at school
• Victims of bullies are more likely to be depressed and attempt or commit suicide

Action: Pay attention to any physical changes such as cuts or bruises that your child may refuse to explain. Acknowledge any sudden drop in grades and ask about their environment in school. Notice that any fights or arguments about going to school as a red flag that your child needs some extra help. Call a teacher, the principal or school counselor and schedule a meeting about your child’s attendance at school.

• 13% of students call themselves a bully
• Bullies are at the same risk of depression and suicide attempts as the children they bully because they have probably been a victim of abuse
• Bullies are at high risk of dropping out of school and doing time in juvenile detention

Action: Notice any frequent calls from teachers or principals and ask questions. Engage your child in conversations about bullying, what it means, how it can impact other people and how it can impact them. Get help if needed from the school counselor or counselor outside of the school at a community agency.

Experimenting with Alcohol:

• Adolescents are more likely to try alcohol if parents, grandparents, or siblings have a problem with alcohol abuse or allow the adolescent to try “sips” of drinks

Action: Talk to your children about the consequences of drinking alcohol. Educate them on physical and emotional effects of alcohol. If you don’t know all the answers, research them with your child and read about it together. Tell your child you care about them, their safety, and you don’t want him/her to start drinking.

Experimenting with Cigarettes:

• Kids with family members and friends that smoke are more likely to start smoking

Action: Educate your child on the hazards of smoking cigarettes. Share with them that cigarettes are addicting and it can become hard to quit. Let your child know that you care about their health.

Internet Safety:

• Kids are becoming more knowledgeable about using the internet

Action: Keep your home computer in a central location of the house for you to view your child’s activity. Set limits on what websites they can browse and which types they can’t. Set limits with use of social media sites like Facebook and Myspace. Make sure that you have their passwords so that you can aupervise these sites as needed. Learn about safety and security settings , so that you can block website with adult material.

• Many kids do not know that people lie about their age and who they are on internet social sites.

Action: Tell your child to never give away personal information, telephone number, address, or school name to anyone they meet online. Inform your child to let you know should someone they don’t know try to talk to them over the internet.

Conversation Starters:

It’s important to let your child that no topic is off limits and you are always available to talk. You can try some of these questions out for example:

“You can always come to me with any questions or problems.”

“Do you have any friends at school? What are their names?”

“Have you ever been teased at school?”

“Have you ever been picked on at school?”

“Who could you tell if you were being teased at school?”

“Have you ever been asked to try alcohol, cigarettes or drugs?”

“Do you think that people look cool when they smoke or drink?”

“What websites are you going to when you are on the internet?”

 “Has anyone tried to friend you on Facebook that you didn’t know?”

What if I can’t answer their questions?

These recommended websites are resources for parents and other family members to read about sexual health, puberty, relationships, pregnancy, and myths. And as always, you can always talk with your health care provider to give you the right answers too.

• Parents Sex Ed Center (www.advocatesforyouth.org/parents)
• Talk with Kids about Tough Issues (www.talkingwithkids.org)
• Families are Talking (www.familiesaretalking.org)

What if my son/daughter doesn’t want to talk?

These recommended sites are resources for kids to get truthful information about their body and their health.

• Teenwire (www.teenwire.com)
• Birds and Bees (www.birdsandbees.org)