Tips to Creating Better Communication with your Teen

1. Be available to talk. Notice times when your teen is most available to talk such as during a car ride, eating dinner, or in the evening when other friends and family are not around. Find time when both of you are relaxed, or schedule some time to spend with them one-on-one. Start the conversation and let your teen know that you’re interested in what’s going on in their life.

2. Let your teen know that you’re listening. Express interest in what they have to say and clarify or repeat what they are saying to make sure that you have heard them clearly.

3. Talk openly, honestly and respectfully. This means respond to your teen in a way that they’ll hear. Don’t lecture, instead relate, putting yourself in their shoes. It will help the communication flow more freely and understandably opposed to judgmental or critical. Express concerns about their life, activities and friends rather than using words such as “I don’t like it when…”, “You always…” and “you never…”  If you find yourself getting upset, avoid raising your voice and instead express what you’re thinking and feeling and how it relates to your concerns for them. By doing this, your teen will hear what you’re saying to them instead of tuning you out.

4. Show interest in your teen’s activities and friends. Ask about their friends and their relationships with them. Inquire about activities at school, after school and on the weekend. If they have Facebook or My Space, inquire about their friends on the internet and the conversations that they are having with others. If you hear that they are doing or spending time with someone that you have concerns about, express those concerns. Let them know how you feel about such issues like teen pregnancy, dating, sex, drugs/alcohol, smoking, texting, sexting, skipping school, etc.

5. Set clear limits and expectations. Teens want rules and they also want structure. They may not act like it sometimes, but they really do appreciate it. Let your teen know what the rules and limits are. This includes things such as curfews, rules for homework completion, school progress, whether they can go out on weeknights or not, and rules for dating. Setting limits and boundaries will affirm to your teen that you truly care about them and want them to succeed in life.

6. Teach them skills on how to handle “sticky” and unsafe situations. Talk with your teen, point out and identifying potentially negative situations that they may face in the future. Let them know that you were a teen once too and you had to face some of the same situations that they may have to in the future. Develop a safety plan on how to handle each type of situation including use of a “code word” that your teen can call and say to you if they need help. Engage your teen in role plays at home so that they can practice and learn how to handle a bad situation and avoid negative peer pressure. This will help instill confidence in your teen as well as build the bond of trust that you have with them.

7. Talk to them about their future. Ask them about what they want to do in life and what they feel they are capable of achieving. Encourage them to speak about future career possibilities and college. If you don’t have all the right answers or don’t know how to exactly help them achieve their goals, that’s okay. Just remind them that they can do whatever they set their mind to do. Then, enlist some help from the school guidance counselor or another trusted adult who might know how.

8. Tell your teen that you love them and care about them. Sometimes, we as parents get so caught up in everyday life that we forget to express our feelings to our kids. Make it a routine, every morning or every evening or even both, give your teen a hug and tell them how you feel about them. Nothing compares more than knowing that your parent cares about you. Your teen will appreciate